Sharing wisdom from my counseling session
I had a very productive counseling session today, and she said something that I thought might be useful for others.
I was talking about our cycle of anger, not talking for a few days, then how he is helpful (she didn't seem that impressed that he was doing anything all that "helpful") by cooking or taking the kids where they need to go. It is in that final phase where I start to doubt myself and wonder if he really is trying and I am wrong. She asked me "When he does these things or says nice things to you at these times does it move your heart?" It was a lightbulb moment for me. It was so obvious that the answer is no.
She shared that when she was in school, and observing a counseling session, the therapist was working with a man who was obviously trying to give him what he thought the therapist wanted to hear. At one point the man started crying and the therapist leaned toward him and said "Your tears don't move me". She said at the time she thought that was so cold and cruel, but she has learned that we can feel what is true and trust that voice within us. So today I understand why I have that conflicted feeling and where my self-doubt is coming from. And I can trust that if there was real change, true change, my heart would be moved......and it's not.