al-anon has helped me a lot but one thing i do feel uncomfortable about is the expected "instant trust", "instant intimacy" in the program. (i first went into al-anon in 1986 so i'm not new to it).
i feel that we are recovering from TOO MUCH trust, poor boundaries, and illusions that every person we meet is "nice".....and i wish al-anon actually addressed this in the format of its meetings. (i.e., the phone list which gives your home number to ANYONE who walks in the room, as one example, among others....which IMO is poor boundaries).
if i go to a new meeting, i do not put my phone number on the book, i usually leave as soon as the meeting ends unless i want to chat with someone specifically, and i let the members of the group earn my trust over time before i spill all to a room full of strangers. in time, i am able to discern who is trustworthy and who might be crazy (yes, there are dangerous people in al-anon just like everywhere else). i listen. i share only in a very general way. and i give myself time to decide who really seems to be in recovery. then those people are the ones i am willing to be more personal with after the meeting, if i feel like it.
the purpose of al-anon, for me, is to be reminded of the facts of the disease and to also look at general self-defeating patterns of behavior which inevitably happen as the result of relationship with addicts. when others in al-anon speak on topics like "fear" "control" "despair", etc. then apply the 12 steps to these troubles, my SPIRIT begins to heal. and that is the purpose of this spiritual program of recovery.
do it your way and follow your common sense regarding hugs, contact, etc. recovery is about learning to be our own authority and making good boundaries....finally.