lovemykids

I was just reading 357girls post (Crying for my 18 year old AD) and all of the responses prior to typing my own post. 357girls description of how she was feeling right down to writing her daughter a letter is Exactly what I was going to type in my post. I wrote a letter earlier today to mail out tomorrow to my Ad tomorrow. The ache in my heart came Thursday when while at work I saw pictures of her taken 1 1/2 years earlier while she was on the girls basketball team. The ache in my heart is actually physical, not heart attack pain, it is rather an ache of hurt/physical heart ache/almost hard to breath.

My Ad called a few nights ago and wants to go to this girls house from rehab for her 12 hour outing which the kids at rehab get after being there for a bit. We know this girl and her family and my husband and I feel that it is not a healthy invironment for our daughter to go to. Well, can we say that she is not happy.

The supervisor on duty yesterday called here to let me know that my daughter was not doing very well, she was very angry, rebelious, not showing up for head counts etc...he thought that I could talk to her to help her feel better. I told him that she is angry with her dad and I so I doubted if I could really help her. When our daughter gets mad it is a full blown rage kind of mad. He wanted to try anyhow so I waited while he got her to come to the phone which didn't go well as I had predicted.

I called this morning, not to talk to her but to ask a supervisor how she was and the supervisor working there today said she still wasn't doing very well. The supervisor told me that if my daughter felt sorry about yesterday or wanted to just talk about it without being disrespectful that she would get her to call me and see if that would help but only under those terms. I told her that my daughter was probably still in a rage but if not then ok.

My daughter called and was still in a rage with me she said that she felt that her dad and I were not helping her with regards to her program and that she wasn't going to call for a while, she said quite a few hurtful things to me but I told her that I was no longer going to give her a reason why her dad or I tell her "No" for something as that is just opening up a door for her to be verbally abusive and a bully. I also told her that I do not need to justify myself to her. I told her that if she didn't want to call home for a while then that was maybe a good idea until she can heal and deal with her anger etc..

After our phone conversation that ache in my heart came back, a few tears came too this time, I havn't been able to really cry but the ache in my heart that emotional pain I felt was horrible, I was almost begging God to please make me numb again. Even to breath was hard.

I have come to a decission and that is not to talk to her for a while, might only be for a week, I don't know, if she even calls. We have call display so my husband and her sister can talk to her. I just can't do this anymore, not right now.

She has been lying to us about different things, she was stealing from stores for the past two years. I thought the clothes etc was from money I had given her or from her job or she would say that her friend gave her an article of clothing. I don't know who she is. She even told me that her dr's appointment tomorrow was going to be just her and another girl in rehab going, no supervision......I asked the supervisor about this and he said that is not the case she will be supervised and that she was probably lying about that to get attention.