Originally Posted by
winnie12 
I need some new boundaries. i'm pretty sure we dont need anymore visits until i can regroup and come up with boundaries and we have to have a family session. i'm not supposed to have another one of those for a week.
I think that sounds great.
When my youngest was in foster care early on, and still had a huge attitude, I went for my first visit, and we went to a park to sit. That's when I realized she had her tongue pierced (she was only 15), she grabbed a cigarette out of my pack before I could even react, and proceded to sit there and smoke it. Then I noticed she was wearing the class ring of the 24 year old she had run away with. Talk about a slap in the face!
I took her back to the foster home and left her there, seething all the way home.
I contacted St. Francis the next day (they facilitate placement of all foster kids in our state now).
The piercing was illegal and one of the other foster kids had done it without anyone's knowledge. That was taken care of promptly, and she got a reaming from the judge the next appearance she had in front of him, plus it was stipulated in court papers she was to have no piercings or tattoos or she would remain in the system till age 18.
St. Francis and I also discussed how to handle the cigarette situation, and the ring was taken away from her and given to St. Francis.
She wasn't happy, but as time went on, she was more respectful of our visits.
I would terminate the visit early if she started in, and it was a 125 mile drive one way. I went twice a month.
Set those boundaries. :ghug :ghug :ghug