Hi Hopeangel, AH and I decided in the summer to move cities to be closer to my family. He found a job in December and things with us came to a head at the same time. I asked him to stay in another room at my parents where we are staying, and selling our house. He hasn't drank since Jan, and is doing well with AA thus far, and me in Al Anon.
I've had to wonder a lot about our next steps. If I wanted to dissolve the marriage, now would be the time to do it, when the house sells. But my parents were also planning to sell their house and move to a retirement home, and they are elderly and it's a lot of stress to downsize a home and sell it, all with us in it.
I left it to my HP. One day we all started talking, and very naturally, we came to a decision that we would buy my parents home. It would remove stress for them, my baby girl is already comfortable here, and the price they want is good.
I decided exactly as LaTeeDa said - I stopped tying my physical environment with my emotional life. The home arrangement works well for all, and if my AH and I can't make it work, I'm not worried or scared of putting up a for sale sign. If I wanted out, it shouldn't matter what the situation is; I can get out of it.
I posted once before that sometimes I wish decisions could be more clear-cut - as in, if he came home drunk that would make it very easy to call it quits. But that's a cop-out. It's much more difficult to make a sound decision because of the discomfort, but that's the right and healthy way to do things. I am learning that and I hope I continue on that path despite its difficulty, because it means more peace and happiness for me that I can count on myself to make correct decisions for me. I think that when the internal work is done, then I'll always be able to rely on it, rather than looking to external circumstances to make or break my decisions.