selling of the house and uncertainty
well, another dilema. AH just called me.
of course, you all know i've so torn on the selling of the house. he said that he talked to the loan officer at the bank and we can refinance and lower our house payment a couple hundred dollars a month which is what AH has been wanting. it will cost about 1000.00 to refinance.
if we are staying in the house and staying together- this would be great. if we are not and we are selling the house, of course, i do not want to spend the 1000.00 to refinance.
AH said, well yeah, if we refinance we will stay in the house and not sell it. which means 4 sale sign comes down.
of course, the feelings of anxiety and feelings of possibly being trapped again.
to update the last month. AH has been going to church and i have been joining him for that. he is drinking less, but has not stopped completely. it does seem like his spirit has been renewed though.
as for me, i started seeing the new therapist and began being treated for depression, which is something i have needed for a long time. i've realized that some part of the marriage issues have been mine.
together we went to one couseling session with the pastor. have not had another one as i have been leaving this up to AH if he wants to put in the work and initiate it or not. i will say that one session helped more than two years with the old counselor though.
AH and i have been connecting and relating much better.
so, i'm very torn. i've got the chance to hold onto the house and work on the marriage. i do love the house.
BUT, as you know this has been a very hard struggle and transition for me. every time i've come to accept something....something changes. it's been a long hard road and i had resigned myself to staying in the house until it sold and making a decision from there. knowing that things would change this way either way- divorce or seperate and work on marriage.
now this new oppertunity. i'm so torn. i really don't want to be trapped, but i also don't want to lose the house if possible. i so want to be able to move forward with my life.
this has thrown me for a loop because as much as i really didn't want to sell the house, i never thought AH would agree to not sell it. he was so set on selling it. now this change of heart.
is it a miracle chance to save the house and marriage or is it just another thing to keep me stuck?
it's a big big decision/choice. agree to refinance and stay in the house or keep moving forward with the sell. basically make or break time right? i really want this long period of uncertainty and insecurity to end.
please send prayers for higher powers will be done and to come to the right decision!!!
i told AH it was a big decision and we had a lot to talk about. i know i should probably set boundaries and conditions if we stay in the house and be prepared to follow through with them.