You will find your way. I rely on lots of different things to keep myself occupied. I'm not perfect...I'm still with my AH, but I no longer wait around for him. If he wants to drink and crawl into his shell...me and the kids do something that makes us happy. Sometimes that is as simple as going to the park and playing basketball. Other times we just go for a drive or window shop. We hunt for treasures. I had to learn to let go of wanting him to participate.