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Old 03-19-2009, 08:00 AM
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boredom

Hi all- I have been working on my codependency for sometime now with the help of a wonderful therapist. I have been single for 18 months and have been very lonley and bored lately. My therapist says that this is the time I need to find out what I can do to soothe myself instead of looking to men to do it. I am struggling with finding what that is. I am not creative in an artistic sense, I don't have a hobbie and I am not having luck finding things to do to occupy my mind instead of thinking about my exAB. I do pamper myself and try to do things i like, but it those times that I am lonley and by myself that i find the most daunting. Any thoughts/suggestions?
thanks all!
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Old 03-19-2009, 08:27 AM
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I like reading, toll painting, cleaning my house, organizing, volunteering, gardening, decorating, mama's night (red hat society for the younger group), facebook and lazy days. My point in sharing all my little quirky things I do is that I suck at most of them, but I enjoy the heck out of each one of them. I actually strongly considered taking a class down at the community college on basket weaving. There are social groups everywhere (check craigslist for your local groups). Get out there and have a good time. At one time I had a toll painting class in my garage...basically a huge social hour for lots of women to come over do something imperfect. love it. If you lived a bit closer...you could come too. I get alot out of volunteering my time too. Local food shelters are always in need of help...and I walk away feeling like I have done something to help.

Hope you find the right things to fill your time.

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Old 03-19-2009, 08:31 AM
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Do you have kids? I have joined a rec center in town and we do things together there, exercise, swim, etc... we ALL enjoy it and it is quality time togeter. You can do this by yourself as well....

I also joined facebook to see all of my high school friends (no one hitting on me etc.., nice) Just catching up...and seeing where / what everyone is in their life...

I have made new friends with the moms at school and the women at Al Anon and we talk on the phone, go to lunch, etc...

When I'm feeling alone I pick up the phone and call someone who understands, that is usually someone from Al anon, they are always happy to talk with me!!! It helps alot!
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Old 03-19-2009, 08:32 AM
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Boredom

I do have quirky things I like- I am on facebook, I check in here, I am an avid reader, but my main problem is the I have 2 young girls that I am raising myself and the limits my social activities. I do have family and friends that help me out with them but I think I am stuck in my codey ways, wanting someone else to come save me so I have something/someone to focus on. It is more important now more than ever to find things for myself so as my therapist says my neediness doesn't push the "right" man away when he finally does come around. I think my main problem is my own mind- I think too much LOL
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Old 03-19-2009, 08:38 AM
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I often confuse serenity with boredom.
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Old 03-19-2009, 08:41 AM
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You will find your way. I rely on lots of different things to keep myself occupied. I'm not perfect...I'm still with my AH, but I no longer wait around for him. If he wants to drink and crawl into his shell...me and the kids do something that makes us happy. Sometimes that is as simple as going to the park and playing basketball. Other times we just go for a drive or window shop. We hunt for treasures. I had to learn to let go of wanting him to participate.
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Old 03-19-2009, 08:47 AM
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Confusing serenity for boredom? I have never thought of that- WOW thanks- I might have to just rephrase it next time. My life has become so complete is so many different ways that I think sometimes not having anymore drama in my life with my ex's means my life is boring. THANKS so much for opening my eyes to the possibility that it might be my serenity that I am seeking and not seeing!
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Old 03-19-2009, 09:02 AM
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I have done the same in the past -- I was so accustomed to drama, to rescuing and being rescued, to the crackle and fire of so-called "love" (which was actually desperation and need most times) , that when I finally found serenity it felt just like boredom.

Is there anyone you like helping, hopefulone? Do you love animals, or kids, or any other group that you care about? Sometimes getting involved with something like that can be a real boost to the ego, the spirit, and of course the beneficiary of your actions.

I'd say an interesting challenge would be to try to find one new thing you like doing every week. I know that when I was finally a well-rounded person, with my own friends, interests, commitments, etc., only then did HP see fit to send along someone for me to try on a relationship with.....when I was no longer someone looking for my missing piece, but a whole creation in my own right.

Good luck - this will make you a bigger, stronger person in so many ways.
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Old 03-19-2009, 10:25 AM
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"when I was finally a well-rounded person, with my own friends, interests, commitments, etc., only then did HP see fit to send along someone for me to try on a relationship with.....when I was no longer someone looking for my missing piece, but a whole creation in my own right."
This is EXACTLY what I am working on- I am not ready for a "real" relationship until I am that well rounded whole person and I still seem to struggle getting there. There is a tiny part of me that still is needy and I am struggling to fulfill that myself! Thanks for all your words of encouragement!
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Old 03-19-2009, 11:04 AM
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Hi hopefulone!! Its difficult because its new, but you are not the only one getting well rounded I joined theater lessons and they are GREAT, I suck at all the exercises LOL but it has helped me know that I also have a role in this life, that I have an impact on others (always felt like the wall, non existant) and I can actually DECIDE who I want to to be and how I want to feel at any given moment! I would recommend it I hope you find more activities, perhaps learning an instrument or a new language?
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Old 03-19-2009, 12:13 PM
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Boredom...what a luxurious problem to have...lol...I envy you at this point in my life! I would sincerely love some more time to indulge my hobbies and interests...can you find another mom who wants to hang with you and your girls...maybe babysit for each other sometimes, do things as a group at other times?
KJ
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Old 03-19-2009, 01:41 PM
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I had lost myself so far in his addiction that I really had forgotten what brought joy to my life. I didn't even know where to start. So, I just started doing things. I went to plays and concerts, some with my kids, some alone. I took a few classes at community college, some I enjoyed, others I only endured, lol. I'm still searching for my passion three years later. I know I have to keep trying things out in order to figure out what I like and what I don't. I read in a book once that the only way to guarantee having a good idea is to have a lot of them. That's my philosophy in discovering what I want to do.

L
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