One of my favorite sayings is "The only constants in life are God and change." I still don't like change. I usually meet it with my feet firmly dug in and kicking and screaming all the way because I fear change. But in the end, when all is said and done, it's all for the better and I wonder why I made such a big fuss about it.
The other saying is "the difference between God's will and my will is my will hurts." That has been true for me 100% of the time. I don't think God wants you enmeshed with an active addict, functional or not, nor does he me.
It took a lot of pain, and a lot of dysfunctional relationships for the light bulb to come on for me, and finally take responsibility for the choices that I made, and not point the finger at all the guys that I chose. That's when I finally made a commitment to work on my own broken-ness, if you will.
I'm pleased to announce for 10 years now I haven't found it necessary to look for that knight in shining armor, to engage in a toxic relationship. Walking through the discomfort of being alone, of having those nights that seemed to drag on forever without a warm body beside me in bed did not kill me, and I began to identify myself as an individual, and to get my feel-goods through self-affirmations, and not through bedroom activities with a partner, or having a significant other in my life, regardless of how unhealthy he was.
I am worth it, I am worthy of someone who is not in active addiction, who respects me and genuinely cares about my feelings, someone who values me just as I am. Until I ever had hope that I might have a partner like that, I had to become that kind of person to myself.