I know how you feel. I have a grandson just 10 weeks old and I've been drunk most of his life. This sucks. I hate it. I want to stop. I don't want to ever pick up a drink again. But I have said that in the past and I still do. I don't want to live like this. I have definitely hit rock bottom. But people have stopped. I've got to do what they do so that I can get myself back on track. I am so scared that I won't succeed and that death will come sooner then I expect. We have got to associate with people that can help us. We can do this. We just need support. I understand everything you are going through.