Nixx,
I'm sorry to hear that you are fearful, the bottom line however is there is nothing you can do about what HE chooses, so you need to try and let go.
Although you are right, the places he's choosing to go, is playing in the devils playground, he is making the decisions. It is his choice and decision to get clean, as it should be.
He is also responsible for the moves he makes to stay clean and or fall.........
You can't catch him, you can't stop him.... the sooner you let him go fall or stand, the better off you will be.
I was where you are many many times. I realize now, that it is not my place to tell him what to do, what are good choices or poor ones. I am not his mommy, I am not his gaurdian. I am his girlfriend. I am here to support him if he asks for it, otherwise it is up to him.
My abf has relapsed from oxycodone 3xs......... and it's sad to me. however, I know now there is nothing I can do to change it. He recently told me this weekend he is going to try to stop again. Good for him, is what i say, but have I asked him if he indeed is 'stopping' again this weekend - now that it's here? Nope. Why? Because he should do what he says he's going to do without me asking him. If he chooses to keep useing..... he is going to do it whether I say something or I dont.
where my decision now lyes, is if i choose to STAY in a relationship where someone is doing something that I don't agree with - and the effects of such.
Obviously I'm still with him,..... so the good is still outweighing the bad....
But as with all addiciton, I'm sure it will progress.... and when It starts to impact me to the point that leaving seems like a better option then staying.... I will end my relationship with him.
It's a hard struggle.... at least I have come to makeing a 'little' progress... which is KNOWING that I can't and shouldn't attempt to control his behavior and choices. If his behavior and choices put me in a spot that I don't want to be in... then I will have to make choices for ME>
Its a long journey... try to take baby steps like I've had to hon. Try first to just realize 'fear' of him useing may be valid, but there is nothing you can to to prevent it or control it.
Love,
Cessy