Ananda,
Some people prefer to enable others thereby avoiding to sincerely help the suffering alcoholic. There is nothing wrong with that kind of support, but when does it become just words?
Actually, it's NOT okay to get nasty but breaking through the denial with a sledgehammer as you put it, may be what others ARE trying to do and for what it is worth. I think it's a strong accusation and unfair to suggest that "nasty" comments are dressed up under the auspicious of helping another suffering alcoholic/addict. Truth is never nasty, the actions of the person may be nasty.
I think ***** footing around an issue infinitely is much more harmful in the long run to anyone and presuming that another person feels exactly the way you do/did when posts weren't candy coated is also unproductive
I think there comes a time when we can't hide from the truth and it's time for real action and maybe it's that time.