Peace, to be perfectly honest, I really don't know how to do that. This relationship is pretty much the same relationship I've had my whole life. Same game, different players. I am now 41 years old, with no clue who I really am. I know I am a loving, caring person and yet constantly and consistently choose people in my life that are he!! bent on punishing me. Before this man, I was on my own for seven years. Yes, I was lonely, but I was safe. I don't want to be lonely the best years of my life, nor do I want to continue being in these abusive relationships. I was truly, deeply and madly in love with my A, and don't know how to move forward. I know what I am supposed to say, what I am supposed to feel, think, do..but when it comes down to it, I am at a loss.
Ann, your response has brought tears to my eyes. I am always the strong one, the responsible one, the dependable, and reliable one. And somehow, always the one that is disrespected and disregarded. I am not as strong as I come across. I feel like I am always pretending that nothing bothers me, and that it is impossible to ruffle my feathers, all the while, feeling like I'm about to be found out as the weak one who is about to crumble, because that is how I feel right now.