I can't add much, other than also saying that I am glad you are here, Nicki, and I am glad you brought your feelings up. It's always better to share, I think, than let thoughts fester.
I am more sure of myself in my recovery every day, every week, every month, and, I will presume, every year (altho I am not quite half way thru year 2), and as I grow, my experience, strength and hope grows also. And, I hope the way I choose to share it grows also.
I have realized, through SR and through alcoholic family members, that there is no "one way fits all" to share or to find recovery. That is why I am so grateful that there are so many different types of voices here...what doesn't help me may surely help the next person that reads the thread. We can't protect ourselves or anyone else from the truth and when that truth is presented in lots of different ways, we can all be grateful because one of those ways may just be the one that leads someone towards the light...even if it is not the original poster of the thread.