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Opinions and feelings DO matter!

Old 03-10-2009, 03:21 PM
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It's time to change!
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Opinions and feelings DO matter!

Where to begin????....

The last month I was on, I wanted to be raw and real here. I'm very blessed in the sense I had some people really reach out to me with "deaths" and grievances they were going through at the same time my "Noah's" birthday elapsed.

Within no time, because we are all a bunch of addicts/alkies with minimal time, no time, some time here.... it seemed as if the forum changed to very subjective conversation allowed.... in which I understand because it's designed as a "support forum" initially.

After viewing countless threads/responsies I realize that some truly are in more pain and/or sicker than others! We come from all over the world and have varying backgrounds.... no one amongst us is perfect and know the answers 100% -- however, have their opinions dominating and with a landslide affect -- good or bad.

Some threads and posts are deleted. Some are not but feel they should be and that's just my opinion and I'm not in charge -- nor desire to be.

Whether I be liked or not liked here, I do not care. I do feel that each person is entitled to their feelings, frustrations, pangs, etc.... In as much as the "replyer" has no hesitation in making his/her feelings known.. yet the thread bearer, if you will, can't and will be removed due to the affect it may have on a newcomer or first time viewer.

Very subjective here. I've rec'd alot of support, have given alot of support... but realize that there's some discrepancies in how the SR process goes with what is okay and what is not. I wish my heart wasn't visible like many... but it is.... Does that make me better or worse than you who "seemingly" have the world in the palm of your hand thru your acquired strength in sobriety?!

I care personally about the new, young, old, sobriety and not people here. I'm just on this side of the computer wondering why we feel we can treat others in such a fashion at times when we've been sick for so long ourselves???!

Very few will see this thread before it's deleted I'm sure. Think about it. That's all.

:ghug3
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Old 03-10-2009, 03:36 PM
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Originally Posted by nickishine View Post
I care personally about the new, young, old, sobriety and not people here. I'm just on this side of the computer wondering why we feel we can treat others in such a fashion at times when we've been sick for so long ourselves???!
Well, I've been coming to SR for awhile, around 2 1/2 years. Sometimes often, sometimes I just lurk and read, other times I feel the need to post like crazy.

SR is much like the rooms of AA......It ain't exactly a hotbed of health, yes some are sicker than others (I include myself among the sick ones ) and most importantly......thank God we aren't all sick on the same day or it'd be absolute madness. Most days 1/2 of us are sick while the other 1/2 are the caretakers, then we switch off after awhile

I'm here to learn, to share, and to offer my experience, strength, and hope. Nothing more, nothing less. Most days I hear things that I don't care for, and I'm sure I share some useless garbage myself at times. I've got to have a strong backbone, I've got to let a lot roll off my shoulders, and at times I need to stuff a sock in my mouth and not say a word, lest I have to make an amends later on.

This is a public forum. We can take what we want and leave the rest lying on the floor. I joined SR because I thought it'd be a wonderful addition to my program of recovery in AA. It hasn't failed me yet, each day I'm grateful for the members who share here, I thank you all for your wisdom.
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Old 03-10-2009, 03:49 PM
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Nickishine,

You are a really wonderful voice here, and I'm glad you are here. Your voice is enthusiastic, spontaneous, supportive, positive, sunny, and filled with applause.

I'm glad your voice is here. But not everyone is going to have the same inspired perspective. And that's a good thing. Others are going to see something that hits them in a personal way and they are going to feel like it's important that they remark on that. Others are going to feel like they have the unique perspective that allows them to understand the poster's position and they might be able to influence them with a story from their own life. Others are going to get angry when people relapse and are going to state that they are angry. They might feel like the most important thing is to share than rather than merely encourage.

There are endless varieties. That's the beauty of SR.

We all want to encourage and support. But we also all have different personalities and different ways of going about it.

I try really hard to be positive here. But I can't do that at the expense of being truthful, being as deeply engaged as I can be, and being myself. Sometimes, I chose honesty over everything else. I try to do so with respect and tact. But I can imagine that at times, my responses might bother someone who is of a different nature than me.

One thing I make an assumption about - I assume that anyone who comes here is honestly making an effort at recovery and sobriety. I assume that they are here to learn. And sometimes, learning is painful. Sometimes, hearing the truth is painful. And that's okay. That's part of the process.

Again, I applaud your voice here. I am so glad you're here. I hope you also give room for a variety of voices. You don't need to protect others from criticism or contentious situations. Part of their recovery has to do with addressing the reactions that their actions or non-actions provoke. When people are act provocative, it's approriate to let them know. That's one of the things we can do as a community. There's a reason why they are acting in a provocative nature. They won't learn that without others engaging with them in a meaningful way.

- mle
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Old 03-10-2009, 03:57 PM
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Couldn't have put it better myself Scott and mle

These days I realise, more than ever, that my responsibility here is simply to share my experience, and give my advice where it may be applicable.

Any more than that and I'm liable to run into trouble. Alkies and boundaries - go figure LOL.

As mle suggests I do have a responsibility to be truthful tho - even if it might sometimes rankle or even hurt. I try to stay thoughtful and mindful tho.

And yes, part of my responsibility is to take myself offline if I'm feeling too much like this or this

Altho from time to time, some people may fail me, SR hasn't, and I hope I haven't failed it.

D
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Old 03-10-2009, 04:07 PM
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Originally Posted by mle-sober View Post
Nickishine,

You are a really wonderful voice here, and I'm glad you are here. Your voice is enthusiastic, spontaneous, supportive, positive, sunny, and filled with applause.

I'm glad your voice is here.
Agreed. There are so many great people here on SR, that's why I keep coming back. Even though I've never met most of you in person, I feel a close kinship with many of you. Dee is sorta like that cousin we used to keep locked in the attic j/k Dee

In spite of the occasional shares that I don't care for, I've never felt the need to use the "ignore" function on SR. Isn't it just as easy to leave that post and move on to another one? Seems as easy as walking out of a meeting if I don't like what I'm hearing, which is very rare. Hmmmm.

:ghug
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Old 03-10-2009, 04:10 PM
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Ohhhhh You Guys... and gal too!

Thank you for turning my upside down -- right side up! As I stated OPINIONS and FEELINGS DO MATTER!!!

I've got no retraction on my thread, but love the feed-back altogether!

Thx and
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Old 03-10-2009, 04:12 PM
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Forgive????

"Gals AND Guys"... Ya just never know til ya know!
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Old 03-10-2009, 04:12 PM
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I can't add much, other than also saying that I am glad you are here, Nicki, and I am glad you brought your feelings up. It's always better to share, I think, than let thoughts fester.

I am more sure of myself in my recovery every day, every week, every month, and, I will presume, every year (altho I am not quite half way thru year 2), and as I grow, my experience, strength and hope grows also. And, I hope the way I choose to share it grows also.

I have realized, through SR and through alcoholic family members, that there is no "one way fits all" to share or to find recovery. That is why I am so grateful that there are so many different types of voices here...what doesn't help me may surely help the next person that reads the thread. We can't protect ourselves or anyone else from the truth and when that truth is presented in lots of different ways, we can all be grateful because one of those ways may just be the one that leads someone towards the light...even if it is not the original poster of the thread.
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Old 03-10-2009, 04:16 PM
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Dee is sorta like that cousin we used to keep locked in the attic
OMG, Astro, you let D out??????? Are you nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!

Love ya, love ya,
Jomey

Nicki - my thanks button just went out of comission, so THANK YOU for starting this great share- lots of people will be refocusing here I think after they read this!
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Old 03-10-2009, 04:17 PM
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can't think why Astro LOL


it's been a bumpier ride recently or it seems that way to me - but I'm still here after 2 years, and that says it all really

D
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Old 03-10-2009, 04:17 PM
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I think I feel there's alot that's "biased" here at times. Adrenaline starts running and I wanna stick up for the person(s) catching heat cuz, like I said we are all sick in our "healthy or not so heathy frame of minds". I never quoted that til now like that so maybe --- STRIKE.

Point is..... we are ALL entitled to air out, reply, etc.... without feeling DISCARDED in the process here.

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Old 03-10-2009, 04:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
can't think why Astro LOL


it's been a bumpier ride recently or it seems that way to me - but I'm still here after 2 years, and that says it all really

D
Cousin Dee-It??!! Right on!

It has been bumpy lately, life's been bumpy, SR's been bumpy, but the universe just keeps moving along. It's a relief to come here and find a little calm in the eye of the storm. I owe that to all of you!
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Old 03-10-2009, 04:41 PM
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Great answers, as usual. I'm one of those who tries way too hard to be liked, at the expense of sharing my true feelings, & that's not healthy or helpful. I'm way too inhibited, always mindful of being PC and non-confrontational. I'd never want anyone to be hurt by my words, so I go too far the other way. How dull this place would be, though, if there was never anything but agreement and patting each other on the back. We'd never get anything sorted out or resolved. I rarely become outraged by what I read here, and am always in awe of the many great minds we have working together for a common cause. Some of the insensitivity lately has been uncomfortable, but we can always back off for awhile 'til the smoke clears - as Dee pointed out. I've checked out a few other sites - and absolutely nothing can compare to SR. You've made me think, Nicki, maybe I should open up a bit more and be honest about how I really feel, & not be as concerned with saying what people want to hear. Thanks for this helpful share.
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Old 03-10-2009, 04:44 PM
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Honesty..with a drinking alkie yes.....brutal honesty with a drink alkie yes.

BUT..i ask myself am i being brutal for there sake.....or mine.....

kissy kissy head stroking never got me sober......

But ask yourself this can you honesty say that the sort of day you have had doesnt reflect how you post replys?

I learnt a leason early on here...by getting a post deleted....it was full of anger because i had a sh@t night.......taught me a good leason.

But to be honest i still see it on here....

I hear.....we have to be brutally honest here... it life and death.

yeah ok....but to the point where that person stops listening???...

Bottom line is i think we are all different and thats a positive...

Can you imagine coming here for support and getting 20 replys all the same!!

I want to mention a recent post......you know it... went to 4 pages...

Some of it was great....honest...brutally honest advice...

Some of it was just an excuse to off load their own anger.....

Thats only my opinoin......just another one of the many on here...

trucker
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Old 03-10-2009, 04:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Hevyn View Post
Great answers, as usual. You've made me think, Nicki, maybe I should open up a bit more and be honest about how I really feel, & not be as concerned with saying what people want to hear. Thanks for this helpful share.
Hevyn.... YOU are one of the WONDERS on this site, for ME! Pleeeeeaaassee open up cuz there is a knowledge 'bout you that many of us/me can gain from knowing you.....!!!! In the meantime, any words YOU ever add is something I personally feel essential to this forum! :ghug
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Old 03-10-2009, 04:50 PM
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Nicki..I really dont feel like doin much of anything right now. But I have to respond to you here.
I have seen a huge turn around since I forst met you. And my first response to you was less than warm.
And for that I have apologised.
I ma one of those sick ones. And today I just want to crawl in a hole and stay there.
But your compassion here has not gone unnoticed as you can see.
We cant save everyone tho. And dont try killing yourself trying.
I get what your saying. But sometimes people need to hear it liek it is. And I am one of those people.
It doesnt mean it isnt done out of concern and care.
We can only rub so many bellies. That never helps anyone.
Just as everyone is different in their recovery. Some are different in their support. But it all comes from the same place. Love , experience and care.
Dont tak e the world on your shoulders. Do what you do and thats all we can do sometimes.
You have been totlaly great with support and understanding. I wouldnt change you for the world.
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Old 03-10-2009, 05:47 PM
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Nickishine, i see a huge difference in you since I first read your posts. You are thinking about what's going on around you and questioning some things in a very positive and healthy way. You are doing so well!

Chiynita, I am so sorry to hear about your great disappointment surrounding admittance to the treatment centre. It's criminal to me that someone such as yourself who so badly wants help is turned away. You are an inspiration to all of us in your determination and integrity. I wish you well in your continued search for treatment and in the meantime, take good care of yourself and rest as you need to.
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Old 03-10-2009, 06:03 PM
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And after some more thought......

These are somethings i ask myself when booting up the pc..

Do i have a solution or message to give or am i just talking the talk...

Do i feel angry enough to use a post from someone else to project all my frustration with ME..

Do i half decide what to say and how to say it....because of a certain user name and not because of what they say......ie.. i am half way there with the anger before reading it..

Am i being honest....is all the tough love really coming from a caring place.

Do i remember where i come from?....have i forgotten how sick and twisted i was.....the excuses i used or the general bs i talked...

And another good one...

Do i think my way is the only way.......am i closed minded enough to think that if you dont do what i do your gonna drink....and your doomed.

Do i disregard others program cos it not mine.....

I am fully aware i can return to being a sick person without a drink in sight.

Thats why i have to ask myself this stuff sometimes...

trucker
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Old 03-10-2009, 06:20 PM
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Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. The word frothy means shallow and insubstantial, no depth or weight behind it. Depth and weight means experience.

Lots of opinions around here about experiences that were never experienced.

Lots of back-patting but no real direction. But let someone try and give some real direction based in experience rather than opinion and see what happens. By direction I mean "Let me tell you what my experience has been and what I have done." The hackles rise and the defenses go up and what we is "Don't tell us what to do."
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Old 03-10-2009, 07:02 PM
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Nicky, I have probably become too attached to SR. I have shared here things I have never told another soul. I know there are people here that don't like me and there are people that do. Sometimes straight from the heart honesty is hard for others to hear.
What I have found is if I post something that people dont like than they don't have to read it.
Im with you the back and forth jabs at one another is uncalled for, and I am sorry as I have participated in some of that.

We are all here for one reason and that is to get and stay sober, I hope we all learn from this thread to treat eachother with respect. We need to give our honest feedback and advise to one another, which means we will all get some negetive feedback at sometime or another, and that is healthy. On the other hand to tease and call each other down for what ever reason is uncalled for.

Sorry this is so long but this topic is very important to me.
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