I want to offer you hugs and Happy Birthday!
I know how much it sucks when it seems like someone you love is ignoring you. But the truth is, you don't know what he's thinking or feeling right now (regarding your birthday) and the challenge is to try not to fill in the blanks with a million paranoid thoughts. it will make you crazy and it's not healthy for the relationship between you and him, or for yourself. Personally, I think he's told you everything you need to know. You know the facts - that he misses you and wants to stop drinking, and that he loves you more than anything but that he can't handle the constant ups and downs. Listen to what he is saying AND doing. I have no doubt that what he says is honest - it sounds like he honestly is trying to sort his life out and you may be one of those motivational forces for him. It does not help when you are reaming him out every other day for not being there for you. And like he said - it's not an attractive quality. My advice is to just consider him as a friend right now - nothing more. Try to not get sucked into bickering - and if weeks go by without contact don't be alarmed. This is just part of his journey. Realistically, you broke up for a reason, and you wouldnt want him when he's drinking/drugging anyway. Be honest with yourself. If you absolutely feel the urge one week to email - make it a friendly update email about your situation. try not to be intense or demand anything from him. Be a positive force in his life. And i also totally agree with everyone else who said focus on yourself right now. Make yourself a better person by following the goals and interests that you have for yourself! it makes you saner, more confident - and a greater catch in the long run. I know its hard i've been there (and am still sort of there...). When he didn't email me i used to take it so personally - but i now consider it his issue - and know through conversations with him that he feels that i deserve better. They are going through their own stuff that believe it or not, has nothing to do with you. Good luck, and hugs again!
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