brownimr,
My story is different in terms of relationship (my addict is my sister), but there are similarities. When things are going well for her she phones my house and tells me things that are worrying, upsetting, frightening, hurtful... She does this because she feels powerful and chooses then to throw her weight around a bit. When things crash -and they ALWAYS do- she calls again looking for sympathy, warmth, support...
I used to get stressed out by this... a lot.
But I'm learning not to take her seriously when she's UP or when she's DOWN. In either case, it's insincere. Because she's not well.
Your wife sounds similar, using her new relationship as a weapon to hurt you. When it falls apart, she may be calling for your support and love again. In either case, I'd urge you not to take her too seriously. Protect yourself.
(hugs)
Lisa