Brownimr -
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I certainly don't to make anyone feel bad and believe me you have nothing to be jealous of. Have you read my entire story? I've for sure been through the wringer with AH and it's been a long process - years. Affairs (years ago when his addiction started), gambling, lies, loss of his job. Even now AH shakes his head at how far he's fallen. But the reality is he's got a very long road ahead of him. From past experience, just because he's doing very well right now does not mean that it will be forever.
AH and I watched the movie Candy with Heath Ledger the other day. It's an older movie, but very good and portrays the life when 2 addicts are active together. I agree with the others that your wife is NOT in recovery. She may be clean, but that's it. AH has talked about rehab romances and said everyone is so vulnerable just coming out of detox and their feelings are just starting to surface after being supressed for so long because of addiction. Also, the people in rehab understand what your wife is going through right now. They don't have full the picture that you do - only what they see in front of them. What your wife is feeling is not real. That's why rehab's try so hard to keep men and women seperated. Is the rehab aware of the affair? I know one of AH's friends had a girl in his room cutting his hair. The door was open etc, but they both got reprimanded because of it.
Keep letting her calls go to vm. The flame she's feeling will be squelched eventually. In the meantime take care of yourself. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Affairs whether physical or emotional are hard to swallow. Add addiction on top of that and it can really turn your life upside down. I'm sorry for your pain - it's debilatating, I know first hand. Keep your chin up, focus on yourself and let your W's affair cycle out. Eventually it will.