Jeez. You guys.......how funny. My ex-AH is EXACTLY the same. Selfish, selfish, selfish, and oh yeah, did I mention selfish??? I am not the only person to feel this way, his whole family finds him selfish as well, and says he has been for most of his life.
His mother is also an addict, so the cycle there is being repeated as well.
The choice (and I might get in some trouble here b/c I'm one of the few who believe that it was their choice to continue with the addiction, and while yes it is a disease, I also think that it was a choice to carry it to an extreme...) that my ex-AH made to take drugs even though he had children looking up to him and what not, yes, that was selfish. We all are capable of being selfish to some degree or another at times. But I think that yes, drug use creates a vacuum in people that makes them get sucked into the mentality of drug life, and getting it, and fixating on it, and "needing" it, etc etc.....they no longer see anything from anyone else's point of view but their own.
My question is, obviously we wouldn't all date jerks if they presented themselves as such up front, so was the whole nice man act that I dated before the addiction really kicked in, the person who was so kind and caring and giving...was that all an act? I'm starting to believe it was.
I think there are several tale-tell signs that people should watch out for drug addict behavior, even in the beginning.....they usually rush into falling in love and marriage, and want to move in soon, etc etc....it can all seem like a whirlwind romance but in a real healthy relationship, love takes time and friendship and the relationship grows on a mature level.
I think fundamentally addicts are immature, and this is partially why they are selfish, b/c they are functioning on a basic immature level. This is my personal opinion.