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03-03-2009, 01:47 PM

# 387 (permalink)

Jersey Nonny

Old & Sober Member of AA

Join Date: Nov 2005

Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey

Posts: 5,174

Quote:

Just had lunch with my mom. SHe spent the whole time telling me how my dad wrecked her life by divorcing her forty years ago. She still can't get past that and bitches about it constantly. She even takes as an insult that her kids still love our dad, and have the audacity to love his second wife and two kids.

least...I'm sorry for your Mom...that she was never able to get over the bitterness, and get on with her life. That is really sad! I can't say I've ever quite forgiven my husband of 25 years for leaving me for a younger woman. Actually, if they had just continued to live together, I think I could have dealt with it. But, when he married her, that was the last straw. My one big fear was that he would have another family with her, since we had three kids together. Fortunately, that never happened...they divorced after only six months.

My kids always knew how I felt about the situation, so there was never any need to discuss it with them. However, they never accepted her...or, at least they never let on to me that they did...I'm sure they knew how much that would have hurt me.

Perhaps you can let your Mom know...in no uncertain terms...that you would really appreciate it if she didn't turn the conversation in that direction. Let her know how uncomfortable it makes you feel...that it ruins your time together...and, that you're afraid it will wind up endangering the relationship between the two of you.

It's understandable that you would still love your Dad...especially if he had always been a good father to you...he divorced your Mom, not you. However, I strongly suggest you not mention your loving feelings towards your Dad's second wife and his two kids. That's too much like rubbing salt in the wound. You have to have been there to fully comprehend the hurt your Mom feels...even forty years after the fact.