Originally Posted by
Linkmeister 
When I went to my first Al-Anon meeting back in January - after ABF's relapse, I got the same attitude from him-I didn't need it, what do I need to recover from, I'd leave him, I'd become a "raging 12-stepper, etc, etc, etc. He also had that same know it all attitude about recovery and I told him that we each have our own recovery to deal with.
Once he got into (and now finished) rehab there's been quite a shift in attitude as there's less concentration and questioning me about Al-Anon as he goes to his AA meetings.
While both of us are going down this road of recovery together, we share what we want, only if we want - that's a boundary both of us decided on. Like justanothrdrunk says, AA and Al-Anon are not the same and for both to understand that is a good step toward letting each other embrace recovery, not put a roadblock against it.
Hi Linkmeister... thanks for your reply..
My A has been in AA for two years now. And this is not his first time in the programme. I'm just starting out in Al-Anon. He doesn't have the excuse of not being in a programme so doing the 'brainwash/what do you need to recover from/raging 12-stepper' argument. While he might not understand how Al-Anon works he does know about being in recovery in a general sense.
justanothrdrunk's post made me think... and yours has made me think some more... (Oh dear... lol)..
When he got back into AA and got himself a sponsor after his relapse I would be supportive. I never made him go or guilt tripped him into meetings but if he ever felt wobbly I would simply say that while I couldn't force him to a meeting, getting there was probably the hardest part and he may feel better once he was there. If he missed a meeting I didn't give him any grief for not going. His recovery was entirely his. The most involvement I had was to be a quiet presence who listened whenever he wanted to talk about it and the only involvement coming from me was a 'How was your meeting, good?' which was 99% of the time met with 'Good thanks'. That was it. I never belittled it or attempted to deconstruct it. More importantly I knew it was something I knew nothing about.... and if I had known what it was all about, I know and knew that his experience could be different from mine.
I came on here expecting.. no wanting.. to hear that what he is doing with me is 'normal' A/recovering A. Me making excuses for him again.
I suppose I don't like to think... wet or dry.. he can be a a'hole. And the more I think about it the more I have to conclude.. that is exactly what he's being.