Mine is a teen which is pretty much the most selfish time of anyone's life but when he's using its all intensified - everything is about him and his needs. Its also his way of pulling me in - making me responsible for every feeling he has and every need he has - its the codie dance. Its like the person who says I worked hard all week i deserve to go out and get drunk - its just a trick the mind is playing on them putting them in the position of a victim so that they have their excuse.
But the flip side is that i find i place myself in the victim role too which feeds my codie behavior. So if it were me while i was walking up and down the stairs doing laundry the whole time i would be ranting in my head "why doesnt he get up and help me, why do i have to do everything around here, blah blah blah." Eventually I would blow and have a temper tantrum of my own. So since it bothers me so much now I just dont do it - if he's not contributing and busy doing things, I do my laundry and my daughters and his sits in the laundry room until he gets off the couch and does it himself. I also dont explain myself - so what if i work hard - so what if i slept late - so what if he thinks something about me - i dont need to justify myself to anyone whether it be what I deserve or why I deserve it. When i do that it becomes a competition and I just wont play that anymore because I'm not competing against an addict's crazy mind anymore.