Hi Dean,
I'm sorry that you chose the bottle. I remember my last relapse. I heard that train coming long before I saw it. I was in such tremendous emotional pain, I just didn't want to face it anymore. I made it back, thank God.
I found one of your posts - from 5 weeks ago. This is your reply to someone who was reaching out for help, here at SR:
"The buzz effect is always going to be there if you want it. You can't do anything to change that it's just the way it is. What you want to do is focus on what will change and what you can do something about. The way you feel the next day will change. From years of drinking experience I can tell you it will change for the worse. The way you feel the next day now is as good as it is going to get.
You can continue to allow the next day which is your life to get worse or you can change if for the better. 100% abstinence is the way to a happy life for you. To spend time thinking about anything else is a waste of time. You know the buzz is only temporary at some point you will always wake up feeling lousy and that will never change until you give up on the temporary solution of escaping in alcohol. Life is about more then temporary buzz or fixes in fact when you are drunk you really aren't living life. As you said you are escaping life. I understand escaping life because I did it for most of mine but I am now finding in early sobriety that life has much more to offer then living in a drunk and that buzz that I'm in is purely a selfish all about me place. Eventually it isolates us from being a part of life.
SR helped me get through those tough early days too. AA helped just like SR but even more because I got to be face to face with people as friendly and supportive as people here.
Glad your reaching out for help."