thank you all for the replies
well i do not know, was just a suggestion? i rebell, then when i do relapse, i think of the worst thing possibe? i beat myself up so bad, but then that is the thing i need to get over....i am not good to myself, drunk or sober, hence the couseling? i do not know what to think, she is trying her hardest to help me. i am old and stubborn and a creature of habit...sorry