Originally Posted by
marle 
It said that if a person calls you 11 times and you do not answer the first ten, but then you pick up on the 11th time, that is telling him that he can still get to you.
This is helpful info, thanks Marle. I didn't know that. I get anxious when he has called me repeatedly and sometimes I answer and let him talk for 1-2 minutes just to make him stop calling over and over. But after what you've said here, clearly that is just training him that if he calls me enough times, I will eventually pick up. I wish turning off the phone or changing the number was an option, because I'm ready to do that, but it's my work phone, and I'm almost always on call. So I will no longer answer the phone, ever for him. Hopefully he doesn't start calling from off other's phones.
I didn't tell you all that I have a fairly high visibility job and that I worry about being "outed" as being in recovery quite a bit. I'm always afraid that this guy will get mad and out me in the community. That's why it went on for 8 weeks instead of about 1. I felt like a hostage. That's why it took me getting together some nerve to break it off. I tried to break up with him several times before I stuck to my guns because each time he would make little veiled threats about how he has a bad temper and how I wouldn't like it if I made him mad. But thank goodness he never did anything yet.
Dgillz, I know it was stupid to let him insinuate himself into my life. I just didn't have the skills at that point to enforce personal boundaries. In fact, I didn't even really know much at all about "boundary issues." I've been trying to learn all I can since this has happened. I don't want to have this happen ever again. I wasn't trying to say it was a good idea to get that close with someone in two months. It just happened that way, and I didn't know how to stop it. I felt like I was getting dragged along by a freight train. His personality was that much more forceful than mine.
But I have to say, usually when I go on a date, the person does pick me up at my house at least after the first couple of dates, so it is normal for them to know where I live. Isn't that normally the way, or have things changed so much in the modern world? I'm old to be dating, I guess, in my mid-forties.
I guess I have really bad taste in men. I'll stay single for a while, maybe years.
KJ