Honestly, it sounds like you dont want to go and that is perfectly fine and understandable. At this stage in my son's addiction I do what I want to do not what he wants me to do. If i want to visit I do - If i dont want to visit I dont. If he asks i just tell him i'm not ready to see him. If he treats me disrespectfully he knows that i wont be visiting for a while. Just becuase i'm his mother doesnt mean i'm his personal emotional punching bag. So go when you want to. If you're not ready yet just send him a letter telling him so. Just tell him you love him but you arent ready for this. The last time my son went to jail I didnt visit at all - the jail is 20 minutes from my house and we dont have weather problems - there was no reason for me not to go except that i just didnt want to. This was a huge part of my recovery and actually seemed to get through to him more than anything else i ever did - isnt it funny that the thing i did for myself is what helped him the most.