(((((Diane)))))
Sweetie, you have posted a lot of your trip into recovery here over the last 2+ years, including I believe dealing with your 'enabling' parents.
Instead of tying yourself all up in knots, how about just doing a "Pro and Con" list on going to visit son. I remember how many times he 'goofed' up his work release, and is still in jail, only BECAUSE OF HIMSELF. Now if part of the consequences of HIS ACTIONS, turns out to be that it is just too physically and emotionally hard on you to see him there, then so be it.
Sweetie, if you do not take care of you, physically, financially, emotionally, and spiritually, you won't be around when he gets out.
So ................................... do your Pro and Con list. Take days or weeks ............. when you think of something write it in the appropriate column. That will give you something in Black and White, which I have found for me, helps immensely when I am struggling with a decision.
In the meantime, it is good to hear from you, I have been wondering how you were doing and have kept you and your whole family in my prayers.
Hope the above helps a teeny bit.
Love and hugs,