"Courage is fear that has said its prayers."
I first heard that saying at an Al Anon meeting and it really struck me because I am a person who does not very often let fear run my life, and, because of that, a lot of people perceive me as having no fear...but that's not at all true. I have fear, sometimes a lot of fear...it's just very, very rare for me to let that fear keep me from doing what I know is right and/or necessary.
For a long time, I thought that it was a compliment to me when people would say things like: "Oh, I think it's wonderful that you did X-Y-Z-whatever; I could never do anything like that because I'm too scared or shy or insecure or whatever..", but I realized several years ago that what those kind of comments are really about is the speaker trying to set up a situation in which they can justify and feel comfortable in continuing their own inaction, even in the face of my action, by trying to pretend that I am somehow so different from them that they could never possibly expect themselves to do what I've done.....So, now I always make it a point, when people say things like that to me, to explain to them that I am afraid, too, but I "say my prayers" and, most of the time, I can then do what needs to be done.
And actually for me, a big part of saying those prayers involves contemplating the importance of being able to continue to respect myself....because that definitely is something I never want to have to experience: Getting up in the morning and seeing in the mirror someone who did not have the courage to do what she knew was right/necessary....and ironically, that does, in a deeper way, come back to fear again...because the thought of that happening is just about the only thing that truly terrifies me.
Also, in the past, the few times when, looking back now, I did, without knowing it at the time, act out of fear, the feelings I was actually conscious of having at the time were always, very prominently, feelings of stuck-ness, trapped-ness, choice-less-ness, hopelessness, etc.......and so I've learned that, when I even start to feel even the tiniest combination of those things, it's time for me to step back, let go, and work on my connection to HP because those feelings are always the result of my trying to know answers and force things that are not mine to know or to force and what I really need to be doing is just to be going forward one step at a time in trust in HP's plan for me.
Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
freya