Why Do I Stay?
A few months ago, I would have been the first to say that there was no way I could find happiness for myself while living with my A. Now, much to my surprise, I have found that it IS possible. I can choose to stay out of the tangled web of his drinking, I can do things on my own that make me happy. I can choose to smile instead of moan and groan.
Some people have chosen to stay with their A because they say that the good outweighs the bad - that their A fills their emotional needs to a point where they feel it is best for them to stay with him.
In my case, while I can be happy while living with my A, none of that happiness results from him. He is literally some level of drunk every minute I am with him. No affection, no compliments, we go nowhere and do nothing together, no sex, etc. He is not abusive either physically or verbally but he is simply a roommate - an annoying one. I am not physically attracted to him anymore, he can't be relied on in a situation where I need some help, he has no relationship with the kids and his is absolutely no fun.
My question is this: Why do I stay here? I know that no one knows my exact situation and no one will be able to tell me what to do. I'm just curious if anyone else has been through this or is going through it and has found some way to find an answer. Am I staying because of guilt or pity or because I can't shake the idea that we will live happily ever after? Am I just too lazy or scared to move on? Am I afraid to make a decision because it might be the wrong one? If I could just figure out what is holding me here, I think that I could determine whether it was a good reason or an idiotic reason and deal with it from there.
Any ideas or something for me to think about would be appreciated. Thanks.
L