I'm feeling pretty amazing right now. As someone who doesn't believe in a Biblical explanation for a HP, I've been having a bit of trouble reconciling all of the HP stuff in alanon. The following has been rattling around in my head since some time yesterday, and it all started becoming very clear to me this morning, so when I got to work I opened up Notebook and started typing. I hope it's OK to share this.....I'm certainly not trying to convince anyone that my interpretation is the correct interpretation, but I feel like I need to share this with someone!
Higher Power/being open
maybe giving my life over to a higher power is more about just being open. Good things happen all the time, maybe if I'm open, instead of focusing on RAH's recovery or my own messed up head, I'll actually see the good things as they go flying past and take advantage of them. Like with alanon.....I was paying attention, the universe saw fit to put alanon in my path and I saw it and decided to check it out. Last summer when I was focused on AH's drinking and my own anxiety issues I wouldn't even consider alanon. So it's not that giving my life over to HP means that HP is paying specific attention to me and putting good things in my life....good things are all around me, it's up to me to give up trying to control everything so I can see the good things already there and actually take advantage of them.
Cuz as long as I'm trying so hard to control my life and everything in it, I'm not paying attention.....I'm trying to force my life to go a certain way, onto a certain path, and not seeing the blessings all around me that could be improving my life if I would just open my eyes and see them.
I'm having a damn epiphany here...I'm literally in tears
HP doesn't have to be God....I don't believe in anthropomorphising the power of the universe like that....and maybe it's not even that it's a sensient HP that sees me as an individual and focuses on me....cuz lets face it, I'm not that significant in the universe really. The universe is full of natural powers, like gravity and magenetism, that just are, they aren't sensient or intelligent, but they are powerful.....I feel the same way about the power of the universe.....
but I have to be paying attention. Natural forces will bring things into my life for reasons, to help me be better, but I have to be watching for them and willing and able to let them into my life when they come.
I feel so light and full all at the same time.....today I will be open to whatever the forces of the universe bring my way. Today I feel brand new!
