In my opinion trust absolutely has to come before intimacy.
If you are focused on their drinking as a measure of trust - like he said he wouldn't drink and he did and now you cannot trust him-- well you guys know that is a losing game. Every time. And so there will be no trust. Ever. Why even look for it? That's insane.
If however you can find something he is trustworthy with then, I guess, you could focus on that and make that the barometer. Like does he get the car washed when he says he will? Does he feed the dog/kids/clean up when he says he will (or when it is expected of him as a responsible adult, not just when he's been asked?) Do you feel like he "has your back?" the way a best friend should?
If he is still at the stage of his alcoholism where he can function in those trustworthy ways then maybe by focusing on those few good instances you can regain some trust.
It wouldn't be enough for me. But you could try.
If that's not a scneario that seems likely then YES acceptance is in order.
ACCEPT his level of trustworthiness or non-trustworthiness.
And here is a concept that although it is all about YOU is not selfish one bit:
Can you trust yourself?
Are you working hard to build up your trust in yourself and your own instincts so that you will always have that inner clear voice to guide you??
So for God's sakes stop trying to bully yourself or let him bully you out of feeling so strongly that trust comes before intimacy. It is one of the most subtle of things feeling safe - but like dogs we can sniff it- we just know when it is not safe for us to risk giving our heart-- if you trust your feelings you won't do it and you won't argue with yourself!!
peace-
you are so on the right path with all these questions!!
--b