For me, it's a matter of owning my own stuff, and allowing others to own theirs. If I can step back and take responsibility for my own feelings/emotions/desires, without projecting them on someone else, then I am free to do what I need to do for myself and my life. The other side of the coin is letting other people have ownership of their stuff.
Example: Before I found recovery, I blamed all my unhappiness on my husband and his alcoholism. If it weren't for him, I would be just fine. And he blamed his drinking on me. If I weren't so controlling, unaffectionate, nagging, <fill in the blank>, he wouldn't have to drink.
Recovery means that I take responsibility for my situation. I chose to stay in an unhappy marriage with a drunk. My choice, my stuff. He chose to drink even when it was clear our marriage was failing. His choice, his stuff. I have no right to put my stuff on him. And just because he tries to dump his stuff on me, doesn't mean I have to pick it up.
L