Maybe it's just a sign that I've emotionally checked out of this relationship and I should give up it. Maybe the answer to my question is simply acceptance. I need to accept what I feel and what he feels and if that means we can't work out together than that's what it means. No sense in trying to bend the truth.
All the patience in the world is not going to stop the cycle that we are in. If I let go of my past hurt and try to openly love and give intimacy how does that stop him from hurting me again. It doesn’t. I guess that’s a choice I need to make. But I can’t force myself into that position of open intimacy at this point and I don’t think I should have to. Trust is something you earn and I feel like he needs to earn it back before I start giving again. Is it selfish to ask him to wait around for the time to be right, until I feel better?