I can absolutely relate to what you've written, LaDita. I have a guilty feeling for not working. I've been on disability for just over 3 months now, and it's difficult because my brain is so accustomed to crisis situations, and real survival-type issues, so I don't know how to calm down mentally.
And if you're not accustomed to treating yourself well and taking care of yourself, it feels self-indulgent. I would never judge someone else for being on disability and trying to get well, especially after many years of trying to cope, but for some reason I'm not very understanding towards myself.
I think you're very brave for taking care of yourself, and taking the time to decide what you want to do. The fact that you've got creative projects you're working on shows that you're heading in the right direction. You're doing all of this for a reason, and if it keeps you healthy and happy, then you are contributing to the greater good.
Thanks for posting that - it's a relief to see I'm not the only one feeling these things.