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Anxiety related to unemployed 'sedentary' lifestyle

Old 02-16-2009, 12:26 PM
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Anxiety related to unemployed 'sedentary' lifestyle

For the last five years or so, I wake up in the mornings feeling anxious and as though I missed out on something, or there is something that I need to do but I don't know what it is.
It could be attributed to the times I worked, I had a mild panic attack every day before going to work. Or maybe it's a sense of guilt that I'm 'lazy' because I'm not working or going to school.
Now that I don't work, I feel like there is an extra-responsibility on me, I just don't know what those things are.
Today I am going to go for a long walk and get some exercise and come back home to work on my projects that I'm doing to start my jewelery design business yet I feel that is not sufficient, like I am just doing these things for my own benefit not really doing anything that will make a difference in the grand scheme of things. Does this make sense?
I don't necessarily want to be around people, but I feel like I am majorly flawed for spending so much time alone. I am not ready to start a job, but
I need more money, I need alot of things right now, I just don't know how to go about getting it. I guess I just need to be more patient, but I feel like life is slipping past me enough as it is.
The bottom line is, that I am filled with worry no matter what I do; am I doing the right thing? Is what I'm doing enough? Or am I fine, and is this the first time in my life I ever truly got to relax and take care of myself after a couple of decades of non-stop chaos and despair and dependence on others?

Sorry if I'm going all over the place, I am still a little groggy today. I just needed to vent. It's a GORGEOUS day here. At least I can be thankful that I get to enjoy it and not holed up in a cubicle in a window-less office!

Thanks!
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Old 02-16-2009, 12:34 PM
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My anxiety has actually decreased since I've been on disability.
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Old 02-16-2009, 12:51 PM
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Originally Posted by doorknob View Post
My anxiety has actually decreased since I've been on disability.
So has mine, but I think because the things that caused me anxiety (work, schools, big scary public places) are no longer a part of my life. So maybe my mind is trying to find other things to feel anxious over.
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Old 02-16-2009, 11:00 PM
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I can absolutely relate to what you've written, LaDita. I have a guilty feeling for not working. I've been on disability for just over 3 months now, and it's difficult because my brain is so accustomed to crisis situations, and real survival-type issues, so I don't know how to calm down mentally.

And if you're not accustomed to treating yourself well and taking care of yourself, it feels self-indulgent. I would never judge someone else for being on disability and trying to get well, especially after many years of trying to cope, but for some reason I'm not very understanding towards myself.

I think you're very brave for taking care of yourself, and taking the time to decide what you want to do. The fact that you've got creative projects you're working on shows that you're heading in the right direction. You're doing all of this for a reason, and if it keeps you healthy and happy, then you are contributing to the greater good.

Thanks for posting that - it's a relief to see I'm not the only one feeling these things.
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Old 02-16-2009, 11:19 PM
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I've been on disability for about 3 months too. I'm on WA General Assistance, but think I need to get the SSDI application process going, because I don't think I'll ever be able to work in full capacity. I've never really been able to...
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Old 02-16-2009, 11:23 PM
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Originally Posted by bluebird78 View Post
And if you're not accustomed to treating yourself well and taking care of yourself, it feels self-indulgent.

Wow, I don't think you could have put it better there.

I've been on disability for the last three years, and a very big chunk of that time was spent drinking or recovering from a hangover. It's a fact that would have tax payers fuming over, but sadly, that seems to be the fate of alot of people on disability. Disability can be a boring, frustrating way of life but for some it can be a nice 'pause' before they get back on their feet.
I guess I'm kind of in this 'What Now?' phase and I'm confused. Part of me says "It's time to get on with your life now", but part of me doesn't know how or if I am ready, or what I should be doing with myself.

This wednesday I'm going to a workshop for low-income, disadvantaged women who want to start their own business. I'm really excited, and I hope I have the follow through enough to make it work out.
I often give up too easily or let petty things bother me.
Anyway, I'm rambling but I wanted to respond to your post.

Thank you!
:ghug3
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Old 02-22-2009, 09:07 PM
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Originally Posted by LaDita View Post
Wow, I don't think you could have put it better there.

I've been on disability for the last three years, and a very big chunk of that time was spent drinking or recovering from a hangover. It's a fact that would have tax payers fuming over, but sadly, that seems to be the fate of alot of people on disability. Disability can be a boring, frustrating way of life but for some it can be a nice 'pause' before they get back on their feet.
I guess I'm kind of in this 'What Now?' phase and I'm confused. Part of me says "It's time to get on with your life now", but part of me doesn't know how or if I am ready, or what I should be doing with myself.

This wednesday I'm going to a workshop for low-income, disadvantaged women who want to start their own business. I'm really excited, and I hope I have the follow through enough to make it work out.
I often give up too easily or let petty things bother me.
Anyway, I'm rambling but I wanted to respond to your post.

Thank you!
:ghug3
LaDita,

It is human nature to want to be a part of society, and to want to be USEFUL. I can relate to your story in that when I was not working or in school, I was using drugs and hating myself. In retrospect, I see that this is because it's NOT natural to not work and be a part of our society. We are only truly happy with ourselves and FULFILLED when we are a part of something larger than ourselves.

I suggest that you look into vocational rehabilitation. Google this term, plus the name of your city, or call your local hospital and/or university to find out what avenues you should take to get an evaluation.

Through voc rehab, you can decipher your strengths, and receive job placement. You can also receive "work hardening", professional development courses, classes, and other beneficial stuff - I don't know, but the professionals will. It's a great process for people who want to work, but just aren't sure/can't find a job.

Right now is a bad time to be out of work. Voc rehab can help you get back on your feet.

Good luck!
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