Originally Posted by
Margareta 
So he told me how selfish I am to want to leave him when he has this disease. He said he would never do that to me if I was ill.
Personally I don't hold to the disease model. Even so I give the most of an argument where I can. I agree with what Ago shared with you. And timetogo gave a great example to explaining disease verses behavior with a disease. If you were seriously ill do you believe he would he stop drinking? Also, the behavior of drinking and the impaired consequences associated with it are a form of abandoment to the spouse. My husband has abandonded me in almost every area of partnership because of his drinking. ' He ' has already left me.
Originally Posted by
Margareta he is not an aggressive alcoholic, he just drinks every 10 days locked in his room and it doesn´t make me any harm.
Margareta, if you are not harmed why are you here telling your story and looking for support?
Lets say he is being honest that he is only drinking every 10 days. Whether he is doing what is called bingeing or his drinking is a # of days with a certain amount of consumption, both will get progressively worse as he continues to drink. He admits he is going to continue drinking and that he has a problem.
Margareta, would you consider writing a list? One side might say "How has AH loved me with his drinking" and the other "How has AH harmed me with his drinking." And then maybe a second page," What are the chances AH will grow in how he loves me if his drinking progresses" and "What are the chances AH will grow in how he harms me if his drinking progresses." This exercise will do many things, but it will at least help you see where you are honestly at today. It can also help you to protect yourself today and in the future.
Originally Posted by
Margareta He made me feel guilty. So I am back to the same old point I made the same mistake … I really wasn´t ready. He made me feel like an evil wife.
It is one thing for you to decidedly not be ready. It is entirely another to decide your not ready because of a false sense of guilt whether AH manipulated you towards it or it is self induced.
, why would you feel "evil?" Was a single one of you motives evil? Me thinks not.:-)
love tammy