If you read some posts on the A forum, you will find that the vast majority of them are about their recovery. Hardly any about SO's or family members.
I noticed this too when I first began reading these boards. My conclusion was that the focus for the recovering A has to be on the A in the early stages and is, if I recall, thinking of the 12 steps of the program.
If the A has to hit bottom before deciding on his/her own to cease drinking then the A is doing it initially for self and only for self.
That might also explain why M. Beattie tells us not to attempt to get into a relationship with an A who hasn't been sober and working the program for at least a year.
JMO
ARL