Hi Lauren-- so sorry your man has gotten on the roller coaster again.
Since you get some benefit out of AA meetings have you considered trying AlAnon?
You said "I didn't know the pain we put our loved ones through until tonight."
AlAnon is the place where many people have walked in feeling that intense pain and walked out feeling relief and hopefully with a plan to maintain their own mental health in spite of what the alkie/addict chooses to do with their life.
peace & (((hugs)))
and keep reading around here- collectively we've seen it all, and we've all felt that pain you're experiencing right now....so remember you're not alone!
b