Husband 2+ Years Sober Relapsed Tonight

Old 02-13-2009, 09:04 PM
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Husband 2+ Years Sober Relapsed Tonight

I am hurting so much. My amazing, brilliant, talented, loving husband of 1 year and 2 months just relapsed on painkillers and xanax tonight. My heart hurts.

We met in AA, dated, engaged and married stone cold sober. I had a nightmare before we married that he got drunk and I cried in my dream "This is a deal breaker." I understand what a horrid monster addiction is because I am one too (grateful recovering). But I didn't know the pain we put our loved ones through until tonight.

I don't know what to do. This is definitely a turning point. I know the potential for relapse is always possible...but niavely I thought we were going to live happily soberly ever after.

I can't talk to him now, but will in the morning. These drugs have taken my thoughtful amazing man and made me a sad babysitter. We have SO MUCH TO LOOSE and it's WE now. I know I married an addict. He knows he married an alcoholic. But we love AA and sobriety.

He has let the stress of the economy, me not working, the stress of his job and his escalating back pain let him slowly peter out on his meetings...and then BAM, a handful of pills later and the dream is shattered.

I admit, I have been letting my meetings slip too. Not now. I'm going to one first thing in the morning, because this wretched devil of addiction always lays in wait, thirsty to attack our souls again when we're not looking.

I think I might need al-anon too. I HAVE to deal with life on life's terms and it sucks sometimes. The easy way is to pop a bunch of pills, but then I'd just give the lovely things in life away to that monster.

I hope my real husband wakes up tomorrow and we can talk, one loving humble and truthful heart to another. I would be encouraged for him to pick up a white chip. Ego has no room in our marriage. I don't care if he HAD 2 years...I want the REST OF MY LIFE with day at a time.

Gosh this hurts.
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Old 02-13-2009, 09:08 PM
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laurenvmac: it's ODAT.. i repeat that a LOT.. but.. it IS TRUE! it is NOT the end of the world you know that right?
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Old 02-13-2009, 09:16 PM
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The most important thing you can do is take care of yourself, go to your meeting tomorrow, use the phone, reach out to other recovering alcoholics, relapses happen, they aren't always permanent.

Quite often a relapse leads to greater growth.
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Old 02-13-2009, 11:09 PM
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See what the morning holds. He may be more than willing to pick himself up, dust off and keep trucking.
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Old 02-14-2009, 05:11 AM
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peaceful seabird
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Welcome to SR, laurenvmac!

I am sorry you are hurting right now.

I am an alcoholic in recovery. Congratulations to you on your sobriety.

It sounds like you have both let your recovery work take a back seat, and he slipped. Is part of what you are feeling now your own fear of slipping?

Stick around SR, it is a wonderful place for information and support. I come here almost daily, sometimes just to read. It helps me to see the posts of members who have longer sobriety, and it keeps it green for me when I read the posts of members just getting started and I remember how hard that struggle with addiction can be. When a member has a relapse, it helps to see the lessons that they have learned and what they are doing differently. We are here sharing our experiences and offering support one day at a time.
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Old 02-14-2009, 06:10 AM
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(((Lauren))) I am so sorry to hear about your AH relapse. I can feel your disappointment and loss. Addiction is such a monster; it seems capricious and uncaring in its roaming through our lives. This is a critical turning point for your H. Perhaps setting a quick and decisive boundary on your part will jolt him into reality before his addiction gets firmly reestablished. It may help you too, to stay focused on your recovery. I think Alanon might provide helpful support for you too. Of course, we're always here for you. Please keep posting and let us know how it's going.
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Old 02-14-2009, 06:22 AM
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Living in sobriety
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have been letting my meetings slip too. Not now. I'm going to one first thing in the morning
I think its a good idea to do this. Share about you. from experience i say Be careful about hubby's anonymity. I really feel for you and wish you all the strength you can get from your higher power and the 12 steps... take care (((lauren)))
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Old 02-14-2009, 12:33 PM
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Hi Lauren-- so sorry your man has gotten on the roller coaster again.

Since you get some benefit out of AA meetings have you considered trying AlAnon?

You said "I didn't know the pain we put our loved ones through until tonight."

AlAnon is the place where many people have walked in feeling that intense pain and walked out feeling relief and hopefully with a plan to maintain their own mental health in spite of what the alkie/addict chooses to do with their life.

peace & (((hugs)))
and keep reading around here- collectively we've seen it all, and we've all felt that pain you're experiencing right remember you're not alone!
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