Its a transition. Right now I'm living in a different state.....I saw him this past weekend, and brought our two children for him to see, for the first time in 5 months. He's gone way off the deep end. Before, when we were together, he was struggling with a pain pill addiction; now it appears that he has gone downhill very quickly and is doing (possibly?) heroin and meth. He got arrested on Jan. 1st for heroin, and claims that it wasn't his, although it was found in his truck in the speaker system. He has been doing a lot of denying, but I'm sure that he is lying, as he always has.
I am putting the pieces of my life back togeher. My family has been helping me and the kids out, we have a house, and I'm back in school going working towards becoming an RN. My life is actually pretty good, considering the situation. The hardest part is struggling emotionally with detaching myself from him and focusing on myself and the kids. I do it, but my thoughts often wander back to him and his problems. He also calls me a lot, just checking in or asking random questions.....it always brings me back to him and his problems. I filed for divorce 3 months ago, and its still not final yet. I do still care tremendously for him, but it was shocking to see how bad it has become for him. He's lost everything; I just hope that he comes to his own "bottom" before death, which is what I fear may be the next step. I do know that he will probably be going back to prison after his upcoming court date, and that he will probably be in prison for 1-2 years.
But yes, I'm doing ok, just coping emotionally with the transition, you know?