I see this so much. My AS tells me of parents of his friends that allow bf/gfs to spend the night, smoke weed, drink, smoke crack, not only around but with their kids. Most of them are the irresponsible parents who attempt to be cool and friends with their kids - they fool themselves into thinking that a 14 or 15 yo is adult enough and can handle it. Nothing irks me more than to hear a parent say that their child is their best friend. Kids dont need friends they need parents. Others are just addicts and have no control or care for what they are doing. Its never healthy when a parent acts like the child or acts like a peer of a child - no matter what the age the child is. What gets me is that even as an addict my son feels sorry for them - says that these parents dont care about their kids. Will he smoke dope with them - sure but would he want them as his parent he!! no. I think even a teenager feels loved when there are boundaries set up for their safety. None of these kids thinks using drugs is "good" for them and i think they really want someone to say no. Those who use with their parents seem to have the hardest time of all getting past it. Its just a simple truth that what we teach our children about right and wrong goes with them well into their adult life.
I have suspected that my son's AD - who abandoned him as a baby and only met him a year ago has used around him, drank with him, and probably allowed him to do other things at his house. It just discusts me but i had to let my AS figure out what his dad was about on his own. It was hard to step back but there's no way he was going to listen to me on that topic so i had to let him learn it. On his own he has told me that he doesnt think his dad cares about him and that he's just an alcoholic - i dont know what happened to help him see that but i'm glad he saw it on his own. now he has no contact and that's best - when AS is stronger then he may try to know his dad and that is his choice. The beginning of winder AS and his dad were both locked up in neighboring facilities on the same street each for their own substance abuse charges - that alone said so much about where my son was heading. After that the court agreed that dad could only have limited visitation with him - of course that did nothing but start a barrage of drunken latenight phone calls from dad. That may have been the final straw for son - here he is trying to stay clean and has a drunk dad calling him at 1:00 in the morning.
I pray that your AH can stop the cycle.