Bard—
I am at a little over four months and I have become a recluse as well, or at least I feel like one. In fact right before I read this message I sent an email to a friend saying sorry for being so missing in action for so long. I have another friend that I continually feel guilty about not hanging out with and am actually sort of confused why we haven't been talking. Part of me feels like I used a lot with her and that is why I have been avoiding her more than others. In any case it gives me a lot of guilt. I went to another friends b-day this weekend which ironically ended up being a quasi-metal show in a bar (so not my scene but I actually kind of enjoyed it) and I really haven't seen her in a long time and it is always awkward the sort of where have you been. I mean, I have told everyone, actually not my family, but otherwise I am pretty open about it, but it doesn't seem to quite register how much work it actually is for me. Especially because a year or so ago I gave up alcohol for a time but continued my social bar-going lifestyle (which was very much not recovery for me). It is really difficult to sort of mediate these feelings of guilt, like I need to be there for my friends, with this other need of, I want to be by myself, I am best by myself. I am getting to a point where it is all about me (I really don't understand the sayings about the selfish addict— I feel much more selfish in recovery) and I just have to do what I need to do. If my friends aren't going to come out on the other side of this all then oh well, they weren't worth it, I guess.
I totally do recommend telling your friends though. I can't imagine keeping it a secret. I just started checking out meetings and of course first meeting I went to I already ran into someone I knew. But I also have had friends come with me because I don't want to go alone and that is helpful. It seems once you let it out recovery is all around you. Even today in the gym the guy working out next to me was talking about AA. It is like I can't get away and it just makes you feel more connected. I also gave up on expecting my friends to say what I wanted when I tell them I am x amount sober or whatever. You can't put words in people's mouths and often they are less enthusiastic than you wish. However, you can ask people to do things with you and surprisingly they might enjoy a meeting or two. Also you might have more addicts among your friends than you know....or maybe I am just in that weird zone of everyone is an addict....