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Breaking the news to everybody

Old 02-11-2009, 12:05 PM
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A new dawn and new chapter
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Breaking the news to everybody

Tomorrow is my 60th day sober. Since then I've become a bit of a recluse and not really talking to anyone but family but not even they know I've been on the wagon. As far as they're concerned it's "business as usual' with me. I've told them so many times over the last couple years I was quitting just to fall of the wagon a few days or weeks later. And now I want to show them that I'm really serious about it and making the changes in my life. Even so knowing them they'll just give me the equivalent of a pat on the back and a "nice job...so anyway.." and leave it at that. But as far as my few friends I have they're probably wondering where I've vanished to and I feel I owe it to them to tell them why I've been gone for a while. They're good people, party and like to drink but they've been cool with me and one of them is crazy enough go to metal shows with me, which usualy involves drinking at. I'm probably the only one who is making a big deal out of this but how do you break it to them? Really they probably wont care to much but it makes me nervous getting back around them where I know there will be temptations at.
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Old 02-11-2009, 12:10 PM
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Old 02-11-2009, 12:18 PM
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Actually, why 'break the news' to anyone. Just continue working on your recovery. You will change. Those that care will see it down the road and comment on it (the real friends).

If offered a 'drink' by your 'new friends' a simple "No Thank You" should suffice. If not, find different friends.

It is no big deal. As time goes on your family will see the change.

Our ACTIONS, show more than any words we could ever say.

J M H O

Love and hugs,
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Old 02-11-2009, 12:19 PM
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You will be surprise how much they will understand, and how many of your friends will admire you for taking such a big step...

They may even consider doing what you are doing...

Congrats on 60 days
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Old 02-11-2009, 12:20 PM
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Metal shows are better sober anyway.

Congrats on 60.
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Old 02-11-2009, 12:28 PM
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Congrats on 60 days Bard.
Most non alcoholics don't realize how big a deal it is and that is understandable.
If a dieter told you he hadn't had processed sugar for x days what would you say.
Other drinkers trying to quit realize that it is a big deal and that is why I am sending out a double congratulations.
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Old 02-11-2009, 12:35 PM
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A new dawn and new chapter
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Originally Posted by getr345 View Post
Metal shows are better sober anyway.

Congrats on 60.
You know you got a good point there. A few years ago I saw Iron Maiden and was pissed at first since I was the only one with the car who could drive which meant no drinking for me during the show. And to this day that has been my favorite show and the only one I was ever completely sober for.

But yea I guess if they're really friends then me being on the wagon won't be as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be. But no way when the weather warms up will I want to put myself at a chance to spend a weekend on the hill here in KC. A whole weekend of people partying around the clock? Not a position I want to put myself at right now!
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Old 02-11-2009, 12:40 PM
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I've been to Metallica and a few other rock shows since I quit drinking a little over 4 months ago and I'd be lying if I didn't say I had a better experience sober than I ever did all boozed up. It's safer, and you can enjoy the music more. Let the music be all the buzz you need and I bet it won't let you down, particularly if you like good metal. Again, congrats and good luck.
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Old 02-11-2009, 12:41 PM
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Congratulations on 60 days... that's fantastic!!!

I agree with Laurie6781, you don't owe them an explanation. Continue working on yourself and your recovery.

I relate to you in the fact that for years i said I was going to quit, slow down and never did. So I too needed to prove to myself first that I was serious about quiting. I didn't say anything to anyone... my friends started to notice a few weeks in and started questioning me. A popular one was NEVER AGAIN Shannon? Of course that's my master plan, but shocking to their ears to hear. I'm doing this for me, not them.

Most of my friends are very supportive now... It's been over 4 months since I have drank the 'poison'... and I could not be happier or more proud of myself!

Good luck my friend!
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Old 02-11-2009, 12:42 PM
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Bard—

I am at a little over four months and I have become a recluse as well, or at least I feel like one. In fact right before I read this message I sent an email to a friend saying sorry for being so missing in action for so long. I have another friend that I continually feel guilty about not hanging out with and am actually sort of confused why we haven't been talking. Part of me feels like I used a lot with her and that is why I have been avoiding her more than others. In any case it gives me a lot of guilt. I went to another friends b-day this weekend which ironically ended up being a quasi-metal show in a bar (so not my scene but I actually kind of enjoyed it) and I really haven't seen her in a long time and it is always awkward the sort of where have you been. I mean, I have told everyone, actually not my family, but otherwise I am pretty open about it, but it doesn't seem to quite register how much work it actually is for me. Especially because a year or so ago I gave up alcohol for a time but continued my social bar-going lifestyle (which was very much not recovery for me). It is really difficult to sort of mediate these feelings of guilt, like I need to be there for my friends, with this other need of, I want to be by myself, I am best by myself. I am getting to a point where it is all about me (I really don't understand the sayings about the selfish addict— I feel much more selfish in recovery) and I just have to do what I need to do. If my friends aren't going to come out on the other side of this all then oh well, they weren't worth it, I guess.

I totally do recommend telling your friends though. I can't imagine keeping it a secret. I just started checking out meetings and of course first meeting I went to I already ran into someone I knew. But I also have had friends come with me because I don't want to go alone and that is helpful. It seems once you let it out recovery is all around you. Even today in the gym the guy working out next to me was talking about AA. It is like I can't get away and it just makes you feel more connected. I also gave up on expecting my friends to say what I wanted when I tell them I am x amount sober or whatever. You can't put words in people's mouths and often they are less enthusiastic than you wish. However, you can ask people to do things with you and surprisingly they might enjoy a meeting or two. Also you might have more addicts among your friends than you know....or maybe I am just in that weird zone of everyone is an addict....
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Old 02-11-2009, 02:20 PM
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it makes me nervous getting back around them where I know there will be temptations at
If this is the case, it may be too early in your sobriety to re-connect with people that you used to drink with. There are people that I didn't spend any time with for over a year. To me, that nervousness (fear really) is a warning sign and my sobriety is of much higher priority.

I have only told a few people that I quit drinking but it's really self-evident. My family relationships and many friendships are not based on drinking so we just sort of carry on - they are happy for me and actually seem relieved. They still go out for drinks, I don't. But I think, in general, that my decision to quit drinking is not that big of a deal to anyone but me. Everyone has their own lives to live and I'm not at the centre of it.

BTW, last summer I saw Iron Maiden and I was sober. One of the best concerts I have seen in my life!
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Old 02-11-2009, 02:27 PM
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Hey Bard congrats on the 60 days:-)

I did a similar period about 6 years ago and really started to miss my friends, i went back and told them all and they were quite understanding actually. After meeting up a couple of times in the regular haunts sober i was drinking even worse than usual on the third and that continued for a number of years. My point is be very careful!
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