I spent a lot of time (years and years) trying to get my AH to realize he was an alcoholic. I would read all I could about the disease -- I would "google" things like "how to stop someone from drinking". I fought with him, yelled, begged, pleaded, cleaned up his financial and legal messes, "supported him", "worked with him", attended counselling and poured my heart and soul into "trying to help him". All the while, I lost who I was. I have become a person I truly don't recognize any more. I sacrificed myself all for the sake of trying to "make him better". It doesn't work and it will make you crazy. I enabled him (another word I hated because I was also trying to save myself from grief) by giving him a soft place to fall and "forgiving" him everytime he had a "slip".
I thought, at one time, that he got there -- he went to rehab, attended AA and stayed sober for a period of time. He relapsed a few times but they were just "slips". Those slips have turned into tumbles and then into full fledged falls! That's how the disease works -- it progresses if not treated -- just like any other disease.
He has to realize he has a problem and be willing to get help -- sounds easy to you and I but it is anything but easy. It is truly heart breaking.
The focus needs to be with you and whether you are ready to endure what living with an alcoholic means. Take head of the suggestions that you receive here -- know that it comes from a place of love and experience. Read the stickies at the top of the forum page (and the top of the family of substance abusers page as well). They really have helped me to try to move to accepting what my reality is. I have a long way to go -- very long. But by doing these things, one day at a time, I am moving toward being stronger. And you can too
take care