Hi and Help Please

Old 02-09-2009, 06:03 PM
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Hi and Help Please

How do I get my partner to realize that he is an alcoholic?
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Old 02-09-2009, 07:46 PM
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Halla, welcome,

But you can't do that - unfortunately.

You did not cause his alcoholism, you can't control it, you can't cure it. He is driving his own bus.

All YOU have the power to do is decide what you're willing to live with, and what you aren't. If your husband's relationship with alcohol hurts you, then you need to concentrate on yourself, and whatever you can do to find serenity and happiness again.

Have you thought about attending any sort of support group like Al-Anon? That's for loved ones of alcoholics, and can be a source of lots of help, ideas, support, etc. This place is also really wonderful for exploring your experiences and your feelings about all of this, but a face-to-face group of some kind can be really empowering.

Please read around this forum and especially read the Stickie posts at the top of the first page. Educate yourself about alcoholism and its many cruel faces. Begin to get strong in the face of it. You will need that education and that strength no matter what your husband decides.

Please take care of yourself
:ghug3
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Old 02-09-2009, 07:52 PM
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HI Welcome!

Let me first say, the alcoholic has to realize for themselves. You did not cause this disease, you cannot control it and you can't cure it.

You CAN take care of yourself

Take some time to read the stickies at the top of this forum. They have a lot of useful information.

Somethings that helped me in dealing with my AH were:


Educating myself about the disease. I recommend the book "Marriage on the Rocks". It is an easy read with lots of good info.
going to therapy
going to al-anon (I found many others who were dealingwith the same issues as me)
and posting here!

Glad your here! Keep posting
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Old 02-09-2009, 07:54 PM
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Sorry I repeated the same info as GL ...lol we must have posted at the same time
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Old 02-09-2009, 08:23 PM
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Welcome halla, What has been posted already says it all. Only an alcoholic can saythey are an alcoholic. When he is ready he will take the step on his own.
Al-anon would be a great source of support for you. Try it. Best wishes to you LOL
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Old 02-10-2009, 05:58 PM
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I spent a lot of time (years and years) trying to get my AH to realize he was an alcoholic. I would read all I could about the disease -- I would "google" things like "how to stop someone from drinking". I fought with him, yelled, begged, pleaded, cleaned up his financial and legal messes, "supported him", "worked with him", attended counselling and poured my heart and soul into "trying to help him". All the while, I lost who I was. I have become a person I truly don't recognize any more. I sacrificed myself all for the sake of trying to "make him better". It doesn't work and it will make you crazy. I enabled him (another word I hated because I was also trying to save myself from grief) by giving him a soft place to fall and "forgiving" him everytime he had a "slip".

I thought, at one time, that he got there -- he went to rehab, attended AA and stayed sober for a period of time. He relapsed a few times but they were just "slips". Those slips have turned into tumbles and then into full fledged falls! That's how the disease works -- it progresses if not treated -- just like any other disease.

He has to realize he has a problem and be willing to get help -- sounds easy to you and I but it is anything but easy. It is truly heart breaking.

The focus needs to be with you and whether you are ready to endure what living with an alcoholic means. Take head of the suggestions that you receive here -- know that it comes from a place of love and experience. Read the stickies at the top of the forum page (and the top of the family of substance abusers page as well). They really have helped me to try to move to accepting what my reality is. I have a long way to go -- very long. But by doing these things, one day at a time, I am moving toward being stronger. And you can too

take care
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