Hugs to you, lonelyhart, and welcome.
I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. I know that, for myself, it was difficult to get several years into a committed relationship and find that -- for one reason or another -- my needs in the relationship were no longer being met. Here in this forum, we are experienced with alcoholism and so often blame the alcohol, or "dry drunk", for problems in our relationships, and we're usually right. But sometimes, it is just the nature of each individual's journey that's causing the problem. You don't explain the nature of his lack of "presence" in your marriage -- is he drinking currently?
And have you thought about talking to a personal counselor about this, to see if alcohol really is the villain? Could there be something else going on that could be talked through, so that both of you might (if you want) give this one more try before giving up? At least you will rule that out completely....and I say that as a person who really needs (for ME) to explore all of these avenues before I feel good taking any next steps.
For example, even in my current (healthy) marriage, it is a constant balancing act to make sure the both of us PUT OUR RELATIONSHIP FIRST, rather than him putting me first, or me putting him first. We are, after all, responsible for our OWN hopes and dreams, but in an ideal situation the marriage can be a great wellspring of energy and strength to help propel BOTH of us to the places we want to be. Counseling helped me to get all of that into perspective and make wiser choices for myself.
Whatever the situation, there is a lot of experience, strength, and hope to draw on here at SR, and I hope you'll stay with us.
