Spikedaball,
I have read this post and the replies several times. There is so much wisdom in the words offered you.
As the alcoholic in my marriage, I call tell you, even I agree with what all of these wise people are telling you. I'm the alcoholic and I completely agree that what I needed in order to find recovery - more than any type of caretaking - was to be told that my behavior was unacceptable. It wasn't until my husband refused to look away that I stepped forward to find recovery.
My other thought is that your wife sounds as if she is in very serious danger physically. I agree with the person who suggested you call an ambulance.
My heart goes out to you. I hope you can be strong and really hear what is being offered you here. And I'm glad that you are at SR. I hope you stay and let us help.