I, too, thought my vow was precious- I loved this man and he is sick, so therefor I stay with him and do whatever I can to make HIM happy. But it is so true- what about his vow to me? Once I had had enough and kicked my exAH out when i found out he was smoking crack, it was a step toward loving myself and not allowing this sick man to manipulate me any longer. I was actually loving him more by letting him go then by allowing him to stay and wreck havoc with all of our lives. It was not MY responsibility as his wife to enable his drinking and drug use. It was my responsibility to love him and by doing so, I let him go figure things out for himself.
Since then I have changed so much and found myself and continue to try to take care of myself. I have had another relationship which turned out to be very similar to my marriage but that has taught me about being codependent and enabling and has forced me to address these issues i started when I kicked my ExAH out to fend for himself.
God wants us to be happy and healthy, not slop cleaner uppers and miserable do gooders. We need to wise up and take care of US! PERIOD!