I am always amazed at how often the "I made a vow" angle gets tossed up here.
Didn't your spouse make a vow to you?
The vow says something like to love honor and obey (I actually have a problem with that one anyway!!) in sickness and health-- that goes BOTH ways - people think it only means if their spouse gets sick they still have to stay the course - to me it also says even if I am sick I still have to love and cherish, I can't use my sickness as an excuse to treat my partner with disrespect!!
And I also think addiction/alcoholism is a LOT different than other illnesses in that the alcoholic has the power and the CHOICE to seek recovery. It is not easy to make that choice and commitment - for many it is impossible. It has been shown time and again that the best way family members can help an addict/alcoholic is to STOP helping them! Every time you provide her with a soft landing (money, food, bed, tidying up her messes, especially her embarrasing messes) you may as well be handing her another drink. if you're thinking you are helping her - wow- all the support we provide for our alcoholic loved ones is like giving sugar to a diabetic.
Read as much as you can about alcoholism so you know what you're really dealing with! And make a vow to yourself to protect your own mental health!
peace,
b