Trish, in Jan. of '79 I was 33 1/2 years old and my folks said NO MORE. If I came to the door, it would be shut in my face, if I called on the phone they would hang up and if I stole from them they would call the police. They told me it was MY PROBLEM and I would have to fix it because they could not.
They meant it, they stuck by it.......................no more attorneys, no more bail outs, etc.
My immediate reaction was F you and I moved across country. It took me another 2 1/2 years to find recovery and the last year and a half I lived the streets of Hollyweird.
It was THE BEST THING MY PARENTS COULD HAVE EVER DONE FOR ME.
Later, when I had been sober and clean about 3 years or so and my Mom and I finally talked, I found out that had they not done what they did, they both felt that they themselves were going to end up in an insane asylum. They were absolutely at their WITS END.
In these many years since, I have seen many loved ones of addicts do the same. In many many instances it brings the addict quicker to their bottom, especially when they have to deal with the consequences of their actions.
As to 'setting the addict' up I am not sure what you are referring to unless it is calling the police when they are driving high or drunk. If that is what you are referring to, that is not 'setting the addict up.' That is 'saving a life or two' including one's own and one's children. Should that addict 'hit, maim, or kill' someone while driving, the SO and children will also suffer greatly.
Maybe it might help you to read Co-Dependent No More by Melodie Beattie. You will find a lot of answers there.
Hope that helps a bit.
Love and hugs,